Shorter John Edwards' Lover

Rielle Hunter, Home-Wrecking Relationship Guru
Tracy Clark-Flory, Salon.com

Elizabeth Edwards is a ball-busting bitch and she did everything wrong in her marriage but I did everything right so listen to me when I dispense relationship advice.

The implications of Rielle Hunter's interview with GQ is enough to make me Hulk out and start smashing up real estate. Don't you dare try to victim-blame the cheated-upon, cancer-dying Elizabeth Edwards. A love affair with Rielle Hunter was not her decision.

Bonus rage: Describing Edwards' lover as a "home-wrecker," which has the effect of absolving Edwards himself of any and all guilt and/or responsibility. It's not his fault, don't you see, she seduced him! Plus it's slut-shaming and woman-blaming. Way to go, Salon. ::slow clap::

Shorter Religious Right

Phrase "Religious Right" Misused, Conservatives Say

We evangelical dominionists have to find something new to call ourselves, because our current title has been polluted by the reality-based community calling us on our intolerant, aggressive and dangerous bullshit.

Alternate Shorter:

This steel-toed boot is all worn out. Let's get a nice pink, fluffy pump to wear to our next gay bashing.

Hat tip to Pam at Pandagon.

Shorter Bill Kristol

You know, for a terrorist-coddling, Kenyan-born, left-wing moonbat, gay marriage pre-born murderer reincarnation of Eugene V. Debs, Barack Obama isn't a half-bad dinner guest.