Next, They'll Label Ahmedinijad (D-Nigeria)

Stupidity, or malice?

When they label the latest Republican with his hand in someone else's bloomers a (D), it's malice.

When they label Iraq "Egypt," however, I'm more inclined to accept abject stupidity as an explanation.

Which is worse? Discuss.

Totally stolen from Sadly, No! which in turn totally stole it from Media Matters.

From The Archives

The Onion's Archives, that is.

But why should we trust the propaganda arm of the astrocosmonautical fifth column? We all know the moon landing was faked! Everything in that photo is casting a shadow! That just doesn't happen on the moon!

Oh, For Pete's Sake

This is the caliber of my elected officials:

Lawmakers look dumb for reviving Obama hoax
Gail Kerr

In the Handy Guide for Newspaper Opinion Columnists, this is called shooting fish in a barrel. Or hitting a slow-pitched softball.

Four Tennessee state representatives, all Republicans, have signed up to be plaintiffs in a lawsuit against President Barack Obama, aimed at forcing him to prove he is a United States citizen by coughing up his birth certificate.

O Lord, let these names be branded into Your mind, so that at the end of the world, Your angels may look and find them in the Book of Dumb, that they have everlasting ridicule:

Eric Swafford, for Cumberland and part of Bledsoe Counties;

Stacey Campfield, for part of Knox County, and who also seems to believe that women are more powerful than handguns;

Glen Casada, for part of Williamson County, and also the Republican Caucus Assistant Leader; and

Frank Nicely, for part of Knox County.

These four polemic poindexters believe that Obama should release his birth certificate to the public, once and for all, just to relieve the public of this pressing and controversial concern, you know? Specifically, they have volunteered to go in as co-plaintiffs on a California man's lawsuit to have Obama's birth certificate released to the public. They volunteered on Tennessee 104th General Assembly letterhead. That makes it an official boneheaded move.

You can see Barack Obama's official birth certificate here. It's not the original, but it's attested by the State of Hawaii.

Are these people after the original birth certificate?

Of course, this flap isn't about the birth certificate. Nothing Obama can do -- or anyone else in the position to release the birth certificate -- is going to sate these hyenas. They are going to continue believing that Barack Obama was born in Kenya, or Polynesia, or wherever*, because they want to. They also cherish their theories about what Hillary Clinton did with Vince Foster's body. They're those kinds of insatiable vultures.

*The most outlandish theory I heard is that Obama is Malcolm X's love child, and Stanley Ann Dunham had to fly to Canada or somewhere so Obama wouldn't be born an American citizen, or something, which of course completely disregards the fact that even Malcolm X was an American citizen argle blargle fazzzzzzzzz pop!

There Is No Lumberjack Program

When police Wednesday peered down the air vent shaft atop the Knoxville Museum of Art building at the man wedged 45-feet below, he had two words for them: "Mission failed."

Richard Anthony Smith, 25, of Knoxville had called E-911 at 4:23 a.m. to report that he was stuck in the air vent of the museum at 1050 World's Fair Drive, according to police. Using his cell phone, Smith explained his predicament to the E-911 call processor.

Wait, what? Knoxville? Knoxville, Tennessee? My Knoxville?

Upon his rescue, Smith told police "he was a special agent with the United States Illuminati" ...

There's more than one? I thought the Illuminati spanned nations! What, did we take out a franchise? How much are we paying for our local Illuminati group?

... who had rappeled from a military helicopter to the roof of the museum, according to a Knoxville Police Department report. Smith said his mission was to defuse a Russian nuclear device that "was concealed in a blue plastic cow sculpture in the basement of the museum," the report states.

However, Smith said he learned while stuck in the shaft that he had been sent to the wrong museum, the report shows. The Memphis museum was where the device was housed, Smith told police.

Well, I guess we'll find out if Knoxville or Memphis becomes a smoking hole in the ground in the next week or two.

When Butler was told about the comments Smith made to police upon his arrest, Butler said the entire event "was so irrational."

Translation: I got nothing, but my professional dignity prevents me from saying so in that particular idiom.

I'd say that if there were Illuminati, the fact that this story got published (or that their "team" of one man failed so spectacularly) means that there cannot possibly be any such organization, but then of course that is precisely what they want you to think.

Link via Steve Jackson Games' Daily Illuminator for Sept. 20, 2008.