Tuesday, September 30, 2008


Right out of the park.

Watch at YouTube.

Via Eight-Bit Theatre, of all places.

Saturday, September 27, 2008


Paul Newman

Paul Newman, as you may have already heard, has died at the age of 83, and I have found the End of the Internet.

A couple days ago, I was thinking about the movie Mr. & Mrs. Bridge, which was a conflation of a couple of books by Evan S. Connell starring Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward, who are actually married and have been since 1958. I thought a fitting tribute to Mr. Newman would be a clip from this film.

Unfortunately, none seem to exist. YouTube has only a compilation of scenes featuring another actor (Robert Scott Leonard), Vimeo hasn't heard of it, and Hulu sent me to a TVLand website with a trailer that I couldn't embed.

I had more luck with Google. That spit up a couple of images and a whole bunch of posters and promos for the movie.

That's the only one with both Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward in it. The posters are all profile view.

I hope Ms. Woodward has a lot of support and succor in her mourning.

Saturday, September 20, 2008

There Is No Lumberjack Program

When police Wednesday peered down the air vent shaft atop the Knoxville Museum of Art building at the man wedged 45-feet below, he had two words for them: "Mission failed."

Richard Anthony Smith, 25, of Knoxville had called E-911 at 4:23 a.m. to report that he was stuck in the air vent of the museum at 1050 World's Fair Drive, according to police. Using his cell phone, Smith explained his predicament to the E-911 call processor.

Wait, what? Knoxville? Knoxville, Tennessee? My Knoxville?

Upon his rescue, Smith told police "he was a special agent with the United States Illuminati" ...

There's more than one? I thought the Illuminati spanned nations! What, did we take out a franchise? How much are we paying for our local Illuminati group?

... who had rappeled from a military helicopter to the roof of the museum, according to a Knoxville Police Department report. Smith said his mission was to defuse a Russian nuclear device that "was concealed in a blue plastic cow sculpture in the basement of the museum," the report states.

However, Smith said he learned while stuck in the shaft that he had been sent to the wrong museum, the report shows. The Memphis museum was where the device was housed, Smith told police.

Well, I guess we'll find out if Knoxville or Memphis becomes a smoking hole in the ground in the next week or two.

When Butler was told about the comments Smith made to police upon his arrest, Butler said the entire event "was so irrational."

Translation: I got nothing, but my professional dignity prevents me from saying so in that particular idiom.

I'd say that if there were Illuminati, the fact that this story got published (or that their "team" of one man failed so spectacularly) means that there cannot possibly be any such organization, but then of course that is precisely what they want you to think.

Link via Steve Jackson Games' Daily Illuminator for Sept. 20, 2008.

Friday, September 19, 2008

One Pet Per Sailor, Parrots Preferred

D'ye ever wonder what all them salts're doin' scrubbin' the decks all the time? All they ever do in them pirate movies, scrub the decks, when they ain't swingin' on sheets or cuttin' up the canvas. Scrub, scrub, scrub.

Didn't used to be so hard to keep the decks clean afore parrots caught on.

Just sayin'.

This be me last piratical post, swear.

Wee Flyin' Mousie

Batman begins
see more crazy cat pics

Arr, it do be enough to melt this black pirate's heart, aye.

Avast, Ye Lubbers!

Be it International Pirate Lingo Day? Aye, it be!

The lads 'ere at this yare boat're celebratin' this day, wut come but oncet a year, wi' somethin' a wee bit outside o' our usual haunts o' the Spanish Main.

Aye, we be celebratin' corp'rit piracy. If ye be unable te sail the tall ships an' take the wallowin' scows the Spaniards haul their gold in, ye can always pursue a life o' dashing hostile takeovers. The thrill o' daring cutlass fights swayin' in the breeze atop a skyscraper is as much livin' as a land lubber can do.

An' in the worl' o' corp'rit piracy, there be no pirates blacker in heart and dread of action than th' felonious knaves o' this 'ere story:

(Part One)

(Part Two)

Ya Harr!

Wednesday, September 17, 2008


John McCain says he invented wireless telecommunications.

"He did this," Douglas Holtz-Eakin told reporters this morning, holding up his BlackBerry. "Telecommunications of the United States is a premier innovation in the past 15 years, comes right through the Commerce Committee. So you're looking at the miracle John McCain helped create and that's what he did."

I can't believe John McCain is such a bald-faced liar. And did you hear how heavily he sighed all through Barack Obama's answers at Saddleback? He's not even an American citizen -- he was born in Panama! John McCain only flew a few missions in Vietnam, and was only under fire on one, the mission he was shot down on.

Cause and Effect

George "Macaca" Allen, on the state of the nation:

I love that statement, America is addicted to oil. What an elitist point of view. Americans are not addicted to oil. Americans are addicted to freedom — the freedom and liberty to move where and when we want.

Likewise, I am not addicted to PCP, I'm addicted to the feeling of invincibility and lack of pain when I am high. I like to be able to bust out of handcuffs and rough up cops without feeling it when they hit me back. But it's not because I'm addicted to PCP.

Similarly, I don't require breathing to live, I require a regular intake of oxygen and an expulsion of carbon dioxide. The rhythmic expansion and contraction of my diaphragm and ribcage are not related at all. Don't try to claim that it is; you'll just look like a fool.

Science Can Prove Anything!

"Scientists have proven that Captain Kirk shows up to 80% more physical sexual arousal when exposed to the right-hand picture."

Science is so powerful!

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Hope You Can Believe In

Don't Be Frightened

I know it's creepy. You don't see it move, yet every time you look it's closer.

Stay calm. It's probably more scared of you than you are of it. Don't make any sudden movements, and don't back it into a corner.

Monday, September 15, 2008

I Was Named Wrong

I was born to the wrong parents. They gave me a boring, old dull name that came from a set of traditional names passed down in their families for generations.

I see now that I missed out on the most awesomest name ever. I could have been born to Sarah Palin!

She would have named me Claw Washout Palin.

Isn't that better than my naff old name?

What's your Sarah Palin name?

Saturday, September 13, 2008


Sarah Palin Action Figure Can Kuh Kuh Kuh

Ab ba ba.

Bu bu bu bu bu.


*Runs screaming for the hills*


In honor of Caturday, here are some pictures of the kitten. We hope to find a new home for her at some point. All the animal shelters around here are full up of cats, but one of them at least is offering to advertise her on their website.

We have provisionally named her "Velvet" because she's nice and soft. This does not mean that we're going to keep her, though. I think Spook would go on hunger strike if we did. Of course, I don't know how Spook learned to guard her food from other cats. When I feed Spook, little bit here slinks up with an intent look on her face and Spook decides the best course of action is to abandon her bowl and ask to go outside. So then of course teufel here eats all the food.

Cats. adult smileys

Friday, September 12, 2008

Friday Random 20 Meme

All right, it's a slow Friday and I'm bored.

Let's do this meme we haven't done in a while!

Here's the first lines from 20 songs that Windows Media Player spat out when I asked for a random playlist. I'm skipping classical and pseudo-classical pieces that don't have words. Try to name 'em in comments!

1. I am he as you are me and we are all together.

2. Avalanche or roadblock.

3. Stop and get me on the ride up.

4. I'm always thinkin' 'bout it/Don't know what I'd do without it.

5. There was a wealthy merchant, in London he did dwell.

6. Lily is dancing on the table.

7. You must leave now, take what you need, you think will last.

8. Well I wake up in the morning, there's frogs inside my socks.

9. There was a lady in Scotland, she'd fallen in love with an Englishman.

10. Beyond the dreaming place, I watched from the darkness.

11. Well I learned the trade from Piggy Knowles.

12. Never was a cornflake girl/Thought that was a good solution.

13. Black cellphane sky at midnight/Big blue moon with three gold rings.

14. As it fell out upon one day, rich Dives he made a feast.

15. Long lost words whisper slowly to me.

16. Love sees love's happiness/But happiness can't see that love is sad.

17. High water risin' -- risin' night and day/All the gold and silver being stolen away.

18. The broken glass/And the rusty nails/Where the violets grow/Say goodbye to the railroad/And the mad dogs of summer/And everything that I know. [1]

19. I've seen love go by my door/Never been this close before/Never been so easy, or so slow.

20. Oh, take care of all my children/Don't let them wander and roam.

[1] The first two lines here are so unpleasant that I thought we could maybe handle a little more.

Leave your guesses in comments!

Thursday, September 11, 2008

I Say, Sirrah!

This is false advertising!

Go Fish?  Where Fish? WANT FISH
see more crazy cat pics

I demand the piscine presence that was promised on the package!

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Sister, Please

Apparently, when questioned about why she flew back to Alaska after her water broke, Sarah Palin explained that her dear husband didn't want their child to be born a Texan.

Perfectly reasonable. Let's let partisan pride stand in the way of the health and welfare of our horrible, grudge-bearing wife and our sweet, innocent son, shall we? Sounds good to me.

Via Avedon.

Weddings Kill


Most fairy tales end with a wedding. Prince Charming carries the Formerly Forlorn But Now Ecstatically Happy Princess off into the sunset on his White Charger, having vanquished the Evil Machinations of the FFBNEH Princess' older female relatives, this serving as both proposal and acceptance of marriage.

They Live Happily Ever After. What happens after the wedding, where they live, how many children they have, what they do when the bank forecloses on their modest little ranch castle, how they tell their little one that the puppy can't stay, all these things are glossed over. End of story. The rest of their lives flash past so quickly that the conclusion that it's the wedding that kills them is rather inescapable.

I bring that up because Lynn Johnston has just declared her strip For Better or For Worse to be Over and Done With. It ended on the wedding of the older girl, Elizabeth, to her high school sweetheart, who's already had one failed marriage and a toddler thereby, and for whom she dumped her teaching job with Native Canadian kids, her relationship with the reservation policeman, and her other relationship with the helicopter pilot.

Yes, Lynn Johnston's Prince Charming is a used-car-lot accountant with an ex-wife and no social life, who rescued Elizabeth from a potential rapist a couple years ago only to instantly demand her emotional support because his marriage was failing. I'm talking, like, in the car on the way to the police station to file charges. At least he dumped the pornstache. Jesus.

In spite of myself, I was wanting Elizabeth and April, the two central sisters, to escape from all this humdrum life and do something exciting. It's a story, after all, why do I want to read about someone who's going to just take care of her kids and get a part-time job after they're old enough to let themselves in after school? I want to read about the Dashing Reservation Teacher And Her Handsome Chopper Pilot. This was made all the worse by having plenty of examples of what married life means for women already there in the strip. Elly has always been dull, and the humor in the early years of the strip was largely based on her children being annoying. As they got older, the drama started to overwhelm the humor, such that we recently had some graveyard humor concerning Lizardbreath's ailing, hospitalized grandpa being at her wedding "in spirit," which was pounded to death by the last panel's tearful protestations that "I thought he was going to pull through!"

Then there's Michael's wife, Deanna. Michael gets to be a big author, and get an incredibly huge advance on his first book (It doesn't work that way, Lynn!). That just underscores the unfairness of it all. Michael, who possesses a Y chromosome, gets the glory and the excitement, his existence is publicly approved by the world of the comic strip, and while he's off schmoozing at parties, Deanna gets to put the kids to bed.

What this world needs is more married people having adventures. I am worried about what those tales about Prince Charming are telling girls about their futures.

Monday, September 8, 2008

Just a Loyalty Test

(This post is in regards to a column in the Boston Herald, "Palin asked Wasilla librarian about censoring books." Via Sherry Chandler.)

Much has been made lately of Sarah Palin's questions to a Wasilla, Alaska librarian about removing books from library shelves. The librarian, Mary Ellen Emmons (now Baker), refused, and she is much to be lauded because of it.

Then-Mayor Palin was all set to dismiss her (if Mrs. Palin's immediate predecessor -- John Stein -- could appoint Ms. Emmons to the post, it stands to reason that Mrs. Palin could dismiss her) until public disapprobation dissuaded her.

But that came after a letter asking for Ms. Emmon's resignation. The police chief, the public works director, and the finance director also got similar letters. These letters were explained by Palin at the time as "loyalty tests," which is what has got me all het up.

Emmons and Police Chief Irl Stambaugh had publicly supported John Stein against Mrs. Palin during the election. To then ask for their resignation within the first few months of her term would seem to me retaliatory and pugnacious, with an intent to suppress opposition to her candidacy and her administration, and on a larger scope, to prevent private citizens who hold public positions from expressing their endorsements at any time, the state's or their own.

And to term such letters "loyalty tests" is to mistake oneself for the state. Does Mrs. Palin expect loyalty to her personally to trump the loyalty of public officials to their jobs and the people? Are we living in a democracy, or a feudal system? Does Mrs. Palin give out treasure and land to people who prove themselves loyal to her? I guess it's just plum jobs and sinecures nowadays, but I'm not sure I'd trust her not to abuse eminent domain if she thought she could get away with it.

This woman does not deserve to be anywhere near the levers of power at any level in this country, or any other. Her disposition to abuse her power in order to exercise her grudges is indisputably established at this point. What did she ask the Alaska State Troopers to do? What would she ask the Secret Service to do?

I have this strange compulsion

you will now feed the cat<br />you will now feed the cat<br />you will now feed the cat<br />you will now feed the cat
see more crazy cat pics

I think I'm going to wander over and put food in Spook's bowl.

Huh. I wonder why I did that.

Friday, September 5, 2008

Oh Boy.

When informed of the outcome of the Democratic primary, Sarah Palin allegedly stated

So Sambo beat the bitch!

in the middle of a crowded restaurant in Alaska, to the great amusement of her dinner companions.

She also apparently has Alaskans frightened of drawing her wrath upon them.

According to that article, Sarah Palin squandered Wasilla's budget and left the town $22 million in debt with no appreciable infrastructure to match its explosive growth, and apparently spent some of that money remodeling her office several times. I wonder if one of those times, she built herself a little igloo Barad-Dur.

Do we really want her anywhere near the levers of power in this country?