Saturday, September 20, 2008

There Is No Lumberjack Program

When police Wednesday peered down the air vent shaft atop the Knoxville Museum of Art building at the man wedged 45-feet below, he had two words for them: "Mission failed."

Richard Anthony Smith, 25, of Knoxville had called E-911 at 4:23 a.m. to report that he was stuck in the air vent of the museum at 1050 World's Fair Drive, according to police. Using his cell phone, Smith explained his predicament to the E-911 call processor.

Wait, what? Knoxville? Knoxville, Tennessee? My Knoxville?

Upon his rescue, Smith told police "he was a special agent with the United States Illuminati" ...

There's more than one? I thought the Illuminati spanned nations! What, did we take out a franchise? How much are we paying for our local Illuminati group?

... who had rappeled from a military helicopter to the roof of the museum, according to a Knoxville Police Department report. Smith said his mission was to defuse a Russian nuclear device that "was concealed in a blue plastic cow sculpture in the basement of the museum," the report states.

However, Smith said he learned while stuck in the shaft that he had been sent to the wrong museum, the report shows. The Memphis museum was where the device was housed, Smith told police.

Well, I guess we'll find out if Knoxville or Memphis becomes a smoking hole in the ground in the next week or two.

When Butler was told about the comments Smith made to police upon his arrest, Butler said the entire event "was so irrational."

Translation: I got nothing, but my professional dignity prevents me from saying so in that particular idiom.

I'd say that if there were Illuminati, the fact that this story got published (or that their "team" of one man failed so spectacularly) means that there cannot possibly be any such organization, but then of course that is precisely what they want you to think.

Link via Steve Jackson Games' Daily Illuminator for Sept. 20, 2008.

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