Wednesday, December 31, 2008

That's Sir Terry Pratchett, Thank You



There are times when the phrase “Absolutely, totally, gobsmackingly, mindbogglingly amazed” just doesn’t cover it, but I find that in the Queen’s New Year Honours list I am now a Knight, for services to literature. This means that fans, while not calling me Sir, must now refrain from throwing things. Regrettably, no sword is included in the box :)

What more can a modest Knight say?

Happy New Year, which on Discworld is the Year of the Pensive Hare.

Terry Pratchett

Go here if you want to see where Discworld is made.

Via Pharyngula.

P.S. His new book is called Nation. Follow that link to the Amazon page and there's a video in which Terry describes it. It's not Discworld; it's set in a world remarkably like our own.

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Start Stockpiling .22 Rifles

funny pictures of cats with captions
more animals

Via The Cheeseburger.

A Parrot Toys With Mild Inconvenience; Also, Owls!

Cat and parrot

For those who can't play the video: It's a parrot that sidles up to a cat no bigger than itself and starts fiddling with the cat with one of its claws. Is it trying to pet the cat? Is it grooming the cat (don't they use their beaks for that)? Is it trying to grip the cat and sit on it? Is it a blind man touching the elephant? There's a definite whisker twirl in there somewhere, and eventually the cat gets tired of it and gently bites the offending appendage; but if you're looking for a screaming fight to ensue, you'll be disappointed. They seem to be the best of friends.

For those who can't play the video above, here's something in which the Japanese toy with the feelings of a South African breed of owl:

Okay, I'm ambivalent about this. It's interesting to see and to learn, but I'm not taken with the sound effects and the laughtrack. I think it's part of what turned me off of America's Funniest Home Videos, ultimately: I don't want that sort of entertainment, because that owl cannot understand what is going on, and reacts to the sight of other owls. Those are fascinating behaviors, but is laughter the appropriate response?

Via Cute Overload.

Monday, December 29, 2008

Two People Made One In Marriage And Exit Interviews

”His inner core and his belief in freedom, and that means not just freedom from terrorism, but freedom from disease and freedom from illiteracy is what really is the basic of American values and that’s what I think he’s shown the whole time he’s been president,” [Laura] Bush said.

Whoa, there, ma'am, I think you got your agenda mixed up with your husband's. You're the caring, nurturing one who makes sure all the kids in the world are safe, healthy, and well-educated, and he's the tough-love, no-nonsense one who kills them after they fuck up, or convinces them to join his Army so they can kill other children who've fucked up.

And by "fucked up," I mean "chosen to be born a foreigner." It's worse if they chose to be born with lots of melanin in their skin, of course, since they all hate us, but the dark ones hate us more. It's either "born a foreigner" or "born in the States, but charged with a capital crime." The Way of Bush is a narrow one, indeed.

Via Pandagon.

Sunday, December 28, 2008

While we were having our wonderful Christmas, many people in Kingston, Tennessee were having a terrible one:

The Kingston Fossil Plant burns coal, and dumps the ash into a number of retaining ponds, trying to contain it so that we don't kill ourselves with the afterproducts of our modern life. Monday morning, early, one of those walls failed and dumped a deluge of crap into the Emory River Valley. The Emory feeds into the Clinch River, which eventually dumps its waters into the Tennessee, which flows down into Alabama, back across Tennessee, and across western Kentucky before it hits the Mississippi.

I am fortunate enough to be upstream from this catastrophe, both on the Clinch and the Tennessee, but millions of people live downstream. This threatens Chattanooga, for instance, and Nashville, not to mention the people of Alabama and Kentucky.

Not to mention my wife's grandmother, who lives just off the Tennessee.

And the national cable news airheads, and the national print press, and the national blogs are ignoring it. Quoth PZ Myers:

We're looking at a major environmental catastrophe, bigger than any oil spill, and most of the news media are silent about it. I checked CNN, MS-NBC, even Fox News…not a word. The local newspapers have a few articles, and the regional blogs are trying to follow it, but otherwise, I guess we're going to pretend it didn't happen.

In fact, due to being unplugged for the holiday, I didn't hear about it until today.

No one got seriously hurt, so thank God for small miracles, but we don't want Bush's FEMA anywhere near us, thank you very much.

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Ihr Ausweispapieren, Bitte

CHECKPOINT ARRESTS: A DUI checkpoint in Wilmington on Friday night resulted in 16 people being charged with drunken driving. Newport Police Chief Michael Capriglione, who heads the New Castle County Checkpoint Strikeforce, said police set up a checkpoint from 9 p.m. Friday until 2 a.m. Saturday at Pennsylvania Avenue and Tower Road. Officers also recovered a stolen vehicle and arrested five people on fugitive warrants, four on drug counts and 42 for other charges.

So, these cops, who were looking for drunk drivers, arrested 67 people, of whom 16 were driving drunk. The other 51 were not driving drunk, but they were wanted for something, so the cops arrested them.

As Slacktivist notes, in order for the police to know who's wanted, they have to run an ID check. Is that within the purview of a drunk driving checkpoint? How does running papers help the police determine who's drunk? This sounds a whole lot like everyone's papers were checked and the cops arrested those who were caught in their nets.

This checkpoint was so successful, I'm sure it's going to be repeated. Where? When? How often? Are the checkpoint cops going to be issued their own uniforms? Are their powers going to stop at checking IDs for warrants? How long before a K9 unit gets assigned routinely to any checkpoint? Will the cops be empowered to search your car on suspicion? Will they fall under the expanded FISA powers that don't seem to be going away, giving them all the time they need to get a search warrant after the fact?

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Christmas Vacation

I'm off for a few days to see the family. I probably won't post anything else here for about a week or so.

Just a notice for my legion of adoring fans.

Thanks for putting up with Zappadan! Happy Holidays!

Monday, December 22, 2008


Rev. Joseph Lowery, on Rick Warren's invocation:

“By the time Aretha sings, the poem is read, people may have already forgotten what Warren said,” Lowery said.

Buuuuuuuuuurrrrrrn, man.

Other than that, he's "not getting into it." Probably a wise choice to steer clear of the whole thing. Me, I've done put my foot in it.

Last Day of Zappadan

Party 'til morning.

Muffin Man, the Palladium in New York, Halloween 1977.

"Wind Up Working In A Gas Station," off of Zoot Allures.

And, what the hell, so very not safe for work, and so very wrong, but also so fun:

"Stevie's Spanking," at the same venue as the first video, but four years later, in 1981.

I'd like to think, if you notice Frank's guitar smoking, it's because of his mad skillz, but he really stuck his cigarette on there.

Happy Zappadan, everybody!


I think that Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood had an encouraging effect on my creativity, especially because of the Land of Make Believe. We even had a little black cat doll we called Ms. Kitty when we were younger.

This is the first time I've seen this, and I must admit it was moving.

Via Epic Win.

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Zoot Allures

The title track off the album of the same name. The YouTube page says this was recorded at the Pier in New York in 1984.

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Titles. Titles Are Good.

Via Aaron Williams, here's a little one-minute painting that I think comes off well:

And here's today's Zappa video:

Another track off of Zoot Allures. This is a fan video. Get a load of the rhinestone-coated lips around 1:11 or so.

Friday, December 19, 2008

Slime Amidst the Finery

When I was starting my freshman year at Centre, the spectacle at the end of orientation was a performance by a hypnotist and prestidigitator, whose name sadly has escaped me. One of his tricks was to take a group of volunteers and first convince them that a strip of cloth, gauzy and red, was the funniest thing they'd ever seen, and its black counterpart was the most disgusting thing they'd ever seen.

He presented them with the red cloth, and they laughed and stomped and clapped and made a joyful noise. While they were thus occupied, he handed it to one of the girls in the group, and closed her fist over it firmly; as the laughter died down, he told the girl to open her hand.

In her palm was the black cloth. The laughter died into an embarrassed silence. Mute, the girl, her fingers stretched flat, tipped her hand slowly until the black cloth slipped off and drifted to the stage.

And so, while I am overjoyed and glad that Barack Obama has invited Aretha Franklin, Itzak Perlman, Yo-Yo Ma, and the poet Elizabeth Alexander to perform at his inauguration, to say nothing of the legendary Rev. Dr. Joseph Lowery, amid all this joyful noise is a man we may very well regard as the most disgusting thing we have ever seen. Rick Warren has glibly recited the "abortion is the New Holocaust" meme; he supported Proposition 8; he called for the assassination of Ahmedinijad; and he doesn't seem to be bothered to be seen with someone (Barack Obama) he recently likened to a Nazi. This is a man who deserves to be tipped disgustedly to the floor amid deafening silence.

By no means do I want to kill the joyful noise over Alexander, Ma, Franklin, Perlman, and Lowery, nor over Barack Obama himself. But I find all my joy evaporates, and my tongue cleaves to the roof of my mouth, when I consider that among their number is Rick Warren. When the crowd cheers for any of the others, will he mistake the accolades for his due?

Above all else, I am still left to wonder: Why, Obama, why?

Givin' The Bee Gees A Run For Their Money

I can't find which album this is on. Nevertheless, there was a studio version, because it showed up on the compilation album Strictly Commercial.

Majel Barrett-Roddenberry, 1932-2008

Oh, the things that may have been, were it not for Executive Meddling.

That's Majel Barrett (left) as Number One and Jeffrey Hunter (right) as Captain Christopher Pike. Also, Leonard Nimoy has his back to the camera.

But NBC didn't think we were ready for a woman in command of a starship, even if she's only the first officer.

So Majel got along in supporting roles, as Nurse Chapel, then as Lwaxana Troi. And she's always been the voice of the computer.

But it could have been very different.

Pleasant sailing, Ms. Barrett.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Yes, Yes, Yes

Dear Mr. Obama:

Rep. Hilda Solis (D-CA) has reportedly been selected as the next Secretary of Labor. The daughter of Mexican and Nicaraguan immigrants and the only congressmember of Central American descent, Solis is strongly pro-union earned a 100% rating from the AFL-CIO last year.

Physicist John Holdren has reportedly been selected as the president's science adviser.

More like this. Many, many more like this. All of them like this. Please.

No more people who broke the country.



That is an image of the American Flag. It is not really an American Flag, if I were to print it off, it would be toner on paper, not nylon or silk, not flying on a pole.

Were I then to set it on fire, do you think people would say, "Eh, it's just an image, it's not like he really burnt a flag"? Were I a government employee, it would cause a big old scandal and I'd likely lose my job.

Apparently, were I a government employee and I mimicked groping a Senator in a sexual way, my job would still be safe. Jon Favreau is still employed by Mr. Obama, and still working away:

The job requires him to work unnoticed, even in plain view, so Jon Favreau settles into a wooden chair at a busy Starbucks in the center of Penn Quarter. Deadline looms, and he needs to write at least half a page by the end of the day. As the espresso machines whir, Favreau opens his laptop, calls up a document titled "rough draft of inaugural" and goes to work on the most anticipated speech of Barack Obama's life.

So not only has he not been disciplined for a gross display of sexual harassment and insubordinate attitude, he's working on the first speech Mr. Obama will give as President.

I salute Hillary Clinton and all other women in the federal government for persevering at their work in the face of such blatant lack of disapproval for such displays of disrespect and entitlement. I certainly wouldn't want to work under similar circumstances.

Outdated Figures of Your Mythology

Destined to be replaced with a circular motion:

To sum up, there's a waterfront hotel that lets you fish out of your sea-facing windows. A band took rooms there, and rented some fishing poles, and had a fun time with an ichthyoid and a willing young woman. And this was related to Frank Zappa at second or third hand, and he passes it on to us here.

Taking the Thumb Off the Scales of Good and Evil

Because the merchant has been shorting us on Evil.

Rick Warren, firebreathing queer-basher, is going to give the inaugural prayer on January 20. Obama's staff has released the following talking points

* This will be the most open, accessible, and inclusive Inauguration in American history.

And the good citizens of Rock Ridge were at their most open, accessible, and inclusive when they declared they'll take the n-----s and the ch*nks, but they don't want the Irishmen.

* In keeping with the spirit of unity and common purpose this Inauguration will reflect, the President-elect and Vice President-elect have chosen some of the world’s most gifted artists and people with broad appeal to participate in the inaugural ceremonies.

And then they chose Rick Warren. Are they saying they want his brand of broad appeal?

* Pastor Rick Warren has a long history of activism on behalf of the disadvantaged and the downtrodden. He’s devoted his life to performing good works for the poor and leads the evangelical movement in addressing the global HIV/AIDS crisis.

Unfortunately, the evangelical movement's tactics in "addressing the global HIV/AIDS crisis" is to blame it all on Teh Ghey, discourage actual study of the problem, and push for global gag rules on condoms.

In fact, the President-elect recently addressed Rick Warren’s Saddleback Civil Forum on Global Health to salute Warren’s leadership in the struggle against HIV/AIDS and pledge his support to the effort in the years ahead.

And oh, how we wish he hadn't. Is this really an argument for why Warren should be allowed to speak at the Inauguration? Tit for tat?

* The President-elect disagrees with Pastor Warren on issues that affect the LGBT community. They disagree on other issues as well. But what’s important is that they agree on many issues vital to the pursuit of social justice, including poverty relief and moving toward a sustainable planet; and they share a commitment to renewing America’s promise by expanding opportunity at home and restoring our moral leadership abroad.

You know what would move us toward social justice? You know what would restore our moral leadership abroad? Gay marriage. An end to gay bashing. Who are we trying to impress by denying people the basic right to happiness? Iran?

* As he’s said again and again, the President-elect is committed to bringing together all sides of the faith discussion in search of common ground. That’s the only way we’ll be able to unite this country with the resolve and common purpose necessary to solve the challenges we face.

But they don't want to compromise. That would be betraying God's principles (as they understand them). It would also mean giving up some of their hoarded power. And if they won't compromise, how is that unifying?

* The Inauguration will also involve Reverend Joseph Lowery, who will be delivering the official benediction at the Inauguration. Reverend Lowery is a giant of the civil rights movement who boasts a proudly progressive record on LGBT issues. He has been a leader in the struggle for civil rights for all Americans, gay or straight.

And that's great. But why are we balancing Rick Warren, hateful homobigot, with Joseph Lowery, staunch advocate and defender? Are we going bipartisan, not just between Democrat and Republican, left and right, but also between hate and love? We got a hate quota now, to balance out our love? Why are we suddenly True Neutral?

* And for the very first time, there will be a group representing the interests of LGBT Americans participating in the Inaugural Parade.

Yeah, but then you've got a homobigot giving the inaugural prayer. Lovely example of solidarity, there. And what exactly is this group going to do? That's a wonderfully vague talking point. How will they participate? Which group is it? Why don't you say?

Hat tip to Pam at Pandagon.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Snow That, Despite All Your Efforts To Train Them Not To, The Huskies Have Pissed On

Bo Dee Oh Doh Doh Doh:

Another track from Zappa's solo album, Apostrophe.

Posted because Me Mum and Me Da have gotten the first Kentucky snow of the season.

Tomorrow: The Mud Shark that is destined to be replaced in your mythology!

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

"Dude, F----- My Parents," He Said

"'Cause they named me Adolph Hitler Campbell. Oh, meet my sisters, JoyceLynn Aryan Nation and Honszlynn Hinler. Man, do we wish we could divorce those jerks."

Or at least that's what I hope they say, twelve or so years down the line.

I need a drink. Or at least some Moon Unit:

She and Frank collaborated on this song, which got Frank widely recognized as a creator of "novelty songs." He hated that.


Atrios, via Glenn:

The Obama campaign didn't exist to make me feel good, and the Obama presidency won't either. I don't especially like his people punching the dirty fucking hippies under the bed, but on the other hand if they manage to convince people that Obama is a sensible centrist who wants to do sensible centrist things like build SUPERTRAINS, get out of Iraq, not torture people or invade random countries, strengthen labor protections, reduce income inequality, improve education, provide health care for people, and reduce poverty, while those DAMNED DIRTY HIPPIES just won't shut up about their magic ponies, it's fine by me.

For years we've had Democrats railing against those crazy hippies as an excuse to not do all of those things. If Obama's people are going to rail against the hippies and use it as an excuse to do them, fine with me. If.

Don't hold your breath, there, Duncan.

So Barack Obama is building a Trojan Horse out of appointments of people to his right, and the exclusion of everyone to his left. Is it full of lefties, inside all those righties, ready to leap out and enact a progressive agenda on the unsuspecting Troy that is Congress? Is it full of neocons who are going to shout MORE MORE MORE and push more soldiers into Iraq? Is it empty? Is it, in fact, going to be taken into the walls of Congress and then catapulted onto the unsuspecting heads of the left-progressives?

In short, are the Republicans going to be fooled? I don't care if they are or if they aren't, voluntarily giving up what political power you have scrabbled for over the last 50 years in the hope that it will somehow start raining ponies is not worth it. If they are fooled, you won't get credit. If they aren't fooled, you won't get ponies. In either event, you won't have any power left, and you'll have to start over from scratch. And, if somehow we do see all kinds of ponies, who's going to let us ride any? We're just DAMNED DIRTY HIPPIES, after all, we didn't lift a finger to make ponies drop from the sky. Get a job, dirty hippies!

Monday, December 15, 2008

The War On Christmas: Jews and Immigrants

Via Pharyngula, I have found an interesting article by Max Blumenthal on The Daily Beast about who started the War on Christmas. It probably won't surprise you to learn that it's all the fault of white supremacists and anti-immigrants.

Back during the culture wars of the 1990s, Peter Brimelow, then a Fortune magazine editor, grew incensed with the increasing use of the phrase “Happy Holidays” by retailers like “I just got real interested in the issue,” Brimelow told The Daily Beast, “because I noticed over the years there was this social shift taking place where people no longer said ‘Merry Christmas.’”

He tried to get the National Review interested, but a shift in editors around the end of 1997 put the kibosh on that, and the NR only ran one column on it, in 2001. Brimelow was pushed out of NR with help from younger conservatist columnists like Jonah Goldberg, and went on to found the webzine, the leading anti-immigrationist website named after the first British child born in North America. The irony here is palpable.

He attracted several like-thinkers and started blaming (who else?) the Jews for his imaginary War on Christmas.

The winner of Brimelow’s 2001 War on Christmas competition, a “paleoconservative” writer named Tom Piatak, insisted that those behind the assault on Christmas “evidently prefer” Hanukkah, which he called the “Jewish Kwanzaa,”

Phht! Coffee all over the monitor here! Channukah, really? The "Jewish Kwanzaa?"

I think I just got dumber.

So, anyway, nobody paid a whole lot of attention to Mr. Brimelow until the World Trade Center fell and all of a sudden it became imperative to our very survival to cultivate racism and invade countries for being the wrong color and having oil. Then, suddenly, the War on Christmas took off. Following what David Neiwert calls the "transmission belt," this massive lie flowed from Brimelow to Rush Limbaugh to Bill O'Reilly, who made it his pet issue.

Of the conservatives who once dismissed his Christmas crusade, Brimelow remarked with a self-satisfied chuckle, “They went over to the dark side.”

Oh, wow. That statement is just packed with smugness and self-righteousness. How can someone be so self-congratulatory about being so wrong?

Sunday, December 14, 2008


This is in Sweden, 1973. It's about someone who dreams of being a dental floss rancher, raising silkworms and riding a "pigmy pony" all along the borderline.

Montana is the last track on Over-Nite Sensation, which apparently is a well I'm going back to plenty of time without realizing it.

Apparently Tina Turner liked the rough cut she heard so much that she volunteered herself and The Ikettes to sing some backup lyrics on the album version. Unfortunately, she's nowhere to be seen on tour, which is a shame.

Barry Miles wrote a biography of Zappa (entitled, simply, Zappa) and states that Ike Turner was less than taken with the song. He listened to less than a minute of it and left the studio.

Saturday, December 13, 2008

The Very Loud Threat To Our Children

This is Frank in Paris in 1980 performing the title track of his rock opera Joe's Garage, which is all about making music illegal. In keeping with the conceit that it's a public service announcement by the people who have made music illegal, Joe's girlfriend runs off with the roadies of a rock band and Joe falls in with Lucille, "who gives him an unpronounceable disease," leading to the second song in this video (which begins about 2:30 if you want to stop it).

Yes, that's right: Zappa went there. Later on in the opera, Joe keeps slipping into worse shenanigans. It's a sort of a "fatal glass of beer" story, with mad axe riffs instead of alcohol.

Oy, But Fun Oy

So one of the local television stations showed Hogfather tonight at 7.

As I write this, it has just gone off the air with a special cameo by Terry Pratchett as The Toymaker, and it's just gone 11.

Ion TV managed to stretch the bugger to 4 hours with commercial breaks.

Oy, but fun oy. Can I do something else now?

Friday, December 12, 2008

Kids! Eat Your Vegetables!

Dweezil and his band cover this song from Absolutely Free!, the second Mothers of Invention album. Unfortunately, a lot of the melody is carried by the keyboards, leaving not much of Dweezil in there.

Bettie Page, 1923-2008

Rest in peace.

This Telegraph article is the obituary I found via Pharyngula. It's pretty detailed about her life and times up until she found Jesus and started following Billy Graham in 1958, then it glosses the next 50 years, as though her modeling career were it.

Also: Her photos may be considered tame by today's standards, but there is still toplessness if you google Bettie Page, even with safe search on. Just FYI. Also, I was hard pressed to find a photo of her that didn't involve ropes or spanking or something. Here I thought she was just a bikini pinup.

Remember This?

The Fisher-Price Barn.

One of those doors was connected to a mechanism that was supposed to moo when you opened it, but I think we wore ours out; all I can ever remember it saying is "Blart!"

Also, I think we lost one of the pigs. Maybe two.

Via Once Upon a Win, nostalgia for thirtysomethings!

Connectivity Issues Suck

Anyway, no video yesterday because the Intertubes got clogged.

So here's yesterday's Zappa video -- "I'm the Slime."

Harlan Ellison called it The Glass Teat.

If only it were so simple as turning off the television. We have to instill in future generations the will and motivation to go out and find things out for themselves, rather than sit at home vegging in front of the tube. That means we need energy. That means we need to be able to support ourselves, even the least among us, without working ourselves to exhaustion. That means overhauling our economy and, to a larger extent, our society.

Another track from Over-Nite Sensation. Some things just never lose relevance. As a song of its times, however, it anticipates the Central Scrutinizer of Joe's Garage, another implacable, all-controlling figure (not coincidentally the role that Frank reserved for himself in that odd little rock opera; the title role went to Ike Willis). Is this spectre of loss of freedom tying into the American legend, or is it part of the zeitgeist of the Cold War? Is the Slime, in other words, generic, or specifically Communist?

Thursday, December 11, 2008

"She-3PO?" Really?

Via Petulant at Shakesville, I found an article in the Sun entitled "Inventor Builds She-3PO Robot."

Here are the Sun's opening graphs:

SHE is the perfect wife, with the body of a Page 3 pin-up and housekeeping skills that put TV’s Kim and Aggie to shame.

Her name is Aiko, she can even read a map, and will never, ever, nag.

Uh huh, because that's all the important things in life, amirightfellas? Let's just reinforce some gender stereotypes, yes?

But that's the Sun for you: Unreconstructed. They ain't the Mail, in that they don't call for Muslims' heads on pikes every time England gets some rain, but it's like they've never even heard of Women's Lib.

But there's offense to be had here even when you look past the Sun's writing to see what inventor Le Trung has to say:

Le said: “Aiko is what happens when science meets beauty.”

Yeah, a very narrow, patriarchy-defined beauty, which nevertheless cannot avoid looking like it just stepped out of Madam Tussaud's. I don't know what he used as a skin analogue, but it dips right into the uncanny valley.

He says he wanted to make a robot to care for the elderly, but he's strayed "off-course" and wound up with a Stepford wife. Her abilities to clean and fetch him drinks are touted, but I'm sure there are large gaps; she is not an AI, she's just an android; and one who can't even walk at that.

There are larger issues here, of course; why make a caretaker robot with a gender? Would it not be better to make something that looks more like C-3PO -- Le's admitted inspiration -- rather than creeps people out?

And, of course, the Sun asks the obvious question of the Neanderthal presented with something that has been designed to look like a runway model:

Le says his relationship with Aiko hasn’t strayed into the bedroom, but a few “tweaks” could turn her into a sexual partner.

Le said: “Her software could be redesigned to simulate her having an orgasm.”

Oh, yes, why have the real thing when a convincing simulacrum will suffice?


Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Well, It's *A* Zappa

Dweezil Zappa and Steve Vai vamp during a rendition of "Dirty Love:"

"Dirty Love" was the third track on Over-Nite Sensation (1973), Frank's first gold record. It followed the blisteringly satirical track "I'm the Slime," which featured an implacable monster oozing out of the TV.

This is Zappa's eldest (with the Zappa-blazoned guitar) and his long-time collaborator Steve Vai at a tribute concert shortly before Zappa's death in 1993.


Pam Spaulding has video of Jon Stewart's interview with Mike Huckabee. Huckabee was on the Daily Show to plug his latest book, Do The Right Thing. I can't figure out how to embed the video, so if you want to see it, I'm afraid you'll have to click through to Pandagon.

I think the thing that Huckabee said that was really telling was that proponents of gay marriage hadn't "convinced" enough people. Is that it, Mike? Really? When I woke up this morning I didn't know it was high school debate club day.

Is Mike Huckabee really open to persuasion? I don't think so. Are any of them? I don't know. Certainly the Republican candidates this past year were invested in projecting the image that they were not persuadable about this matter. Even the Democrats would only go so far as to allow that perhaps we should only have a civil union law.

Huckabee also argues that we can't have equality because "gay marriage" is an oxymoron; he argues that for 5,000 years "marriage" has been defined as one man, one woman. Stewart quickly countered that in the Old Testament marriage was one man, five hundred women, or it was conquest and rapine, or one man and his chattel. It seems to me that Huckabee is making an argument about semantics support his position; an argument ad Webster's, if you will.

What if the next edition of Webster's defined marriage as "two adults who have promised to love and cherish each other and forsake all other intimate relationships," eh? What if we change the definition? Huckabee seems to suggest that he'd be satisfied with that. Male bovine digestive end product, I say.

I will end with this quote from John Stewart, who was really on the money:

I think it’s a travesty that people have forced someone who is gay to have to ‘make their case’ that they deserve the same basic rights.


Via Pharyngula, here's an AOL poll regarding W's recent comments about his religion.

This is interesting. While "Is the Bible literally true?" is tied at 50/50, Creationism is beating Evolution as the origin of life on Earth 47-35 right as I type. However, 44% of respondents say that Bush's religious views are "not at all" similar to theirs, and asked if Bush's views affected his policies, "Yes, and it bothered me" is winning 42-34 over "Yes, and that's fine," with the remainder going to "No."

Of course, the number of respondents is different for each poll. More people are voting on Biblical literalism and creationism than on the other two questions. However, and considering that there's no way for me to know how many respondents answered the polls in which combination, it would seem that if Biblical literalism is 50-50, then Creationism should be closer than 47-35. I guess there are creationists who do not believe the Bible is literally true. Either that, or not everyone is voting in every poll.

Of course, PZ sent his minions (Hey! When do I get minions?) to crash the poll, so the results aren't representative. However, I'm sure the PZ Minions would have all voted for Evolution, so why is Creationism still holding out?

Are Creationists coming to this poll just to vote on this one question? Are they distancing themselves from an unpopular president? What's going on here?

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Pitted Fruit Instrumental

The album version of Zappa's Peaches En Regalia.

There are a few pieces of Zappa's work that spring instantly and readily to my mind. The quintessential riff of his is the eight-note vamp from Cosmik Debris, while the longer piece is this one, which is entirely instrumental. Sometimes I think Frank wrote lyrics as a framework (and, dare I say, an excuse) to hang his guitar work on. Apparently he never considered himself a singer, which is probably why a lot of his work is spoken.



It is this video's fault now that I am reminded of one of the lost episodes of Star Trek. Space hippies who are a thin stereotype of the real ones with awful slang? A planet with acid vegetation? LOST I SAY!!

But the video is funny.

Monday, December 8, 2008

So Close, And Yet So Far

I just found out from that Gail Zappa spoke in Lexington this past March.

See what I miss because the Intarwebs are so huge? I didn't even know there was a until last week!

Anyway, here's the next Zappadan treat:

This is the second track from the Mothers' first album, Freak Out! (1966). It had a number of oddly conventional love songs, setting the tone for a long and eclectic career. This is not one of them, in my opinion.

Saturday, December 6, 2008

Zappadan, Day Three

"What's the Ugliest Part of Your Body," from We're Only In It for the Money (1968), an album conceived when Frank was irritated by all the attention Sergeant Pepper's was receiving as the first "concept album," when he'd already done a couple. It was expanded to include in its list of targets the larger culture of 68, including flower power and the conservative Establishment.

Apparently, according to Wikipedia, some lines got cut in some releases of the album, all of which I recall from the vinyl my folks have. Huh.

Of course, this being Wikipedia, perhaps all of this info should be taken with the Great Salt Flats.

Try It In Real Life

... I dare ya.

You'll get an elbow in your toned abs, there, buster.

The man on the left, living dangerously, is Jon Favreau, whom rumor says is going to head up President Obama's speechwriting unit.

In a just world, he won't.

No word who Obama Staff is, but I'm sure Hillary is plenty capable of fetching and drinking her own beer, thank you.

This is why alcohol and cameras don't mix. Treat every mike like it's live, and never photograph yourself when you've gotten messed up.

Hat tip to ScottRS at Shakesville, where this is Hillary Sexism Watch Number One Hundred and ---ing Thirteen.

Friday, December 5, 2008


The holiday of Zappadan was founded to celebrate the life and times of that prophet of rock'n'roll, Frank Zappa.

This prophet has not been dead twenty years, but he already upholds the truism that a movement's followers will schism after the founder is dead. There are two camps of Zappadan, the twenty-firsters, who say Zappa was born on December 21st, and the twenty-seconders, who contend he was born on December 22nd. Sadly, the twenty-firsters seem to hold sway both at Wikipedia and at Both camps do agree that the holiday begins on December 4th, the date of his death, in an all-night rock party beginning at sundown on December 5th and continuing until the sun comes up or the cops are called.

Observers refrain from cutting their hair for the duration; instead, the men cultivate their mustaches and goatees. Some go so far as to post videos on their websites, one every day of the observation.